Gone fishin'

In honour of the Cavs losing game 7, I'm going to mourn for at least a week.

Hold your head up Lebron!

You can get crunk in the club...

Hey

The weather is nice, it's not so cold anymore and it's spring! Perfect time to...

sit in front of a computer and blog

:(

I was thinking about postponing my blogging till the fall, but I guess I'm not there yet.

I went to the only black club that's worth it in my city this weekend and I'm gonna share the experience with the blogging world.

Well, it starts in the car, can't club on an empty stomach. So due to my futile attempt at multi-tasking I'm sitting in the car right next to the club talking on the phone and eating a Big Mac. Before I start chomping on the sandwich I realize that the Big Mac is not smelling too good. But I eat it anyway, well so much for staying healthy... Supersize me homie!
I notice a "Naija Boy" walking by, I try to signal to him to say wassup but he doesn't notice, I guess he's too busy getting his "I'm too cool" game face on for the club. Finally finish my sandwich and I'm ready for the club.

Walking towards the club worrying that I may not even be let in because I couldn't be bothered to adhere to the dress code. I'm wearing sneakers, that could pass as dress shoes.... Ok no they couldn't pass as dress shoes. But damn! What's up with dress codes anyway? I mean I get the whole principle and I feel them on it but why do they have to be so anal about the dress shoes part? I mean I had a choice between wearing my dressy sneakers or wearing my proper dress shoes but with only one sock.
The shoes already stink. What is the one shoe gonna smell like when I take it sockless to a club? Hun? Selfish club manager! Have you even considered the plants that will die in my neighbourhood when I take my shoe off. Have you considered my carbon monoxide detector going off and having a short circuit! Hun? Hun?

Selfish
Plus, I mean, have these selfish club managers ever tried to dance in dress shoes before? Have they tried the A-town stomp in dress shoes? Have they tried the C-walk in dress shoes? The running man!!!! Well managers I would like you to know that it's painful.

Not that I would know of course...

So yeah I finally get in front of the club and yeah, this bouncer is cool. He explains to me that the shoes are a stretch but since the rest of what I'm what I'm wearing is OK. He'll let me in. Hey wahatever dog, it's not like you guys are gonna make money off me anyway.

On my way up the stairs I realize that I'm gonna step into the club looking like a typical Nige...hm "baller". My bluetooth is still in my ear and I'm about to step in the club!!! Oh no, can't do that. "Sorry, need to get off the phone shortie".

I mean seriously, what is the deal with all these people wearing that thing in their ears and walking around the club/party with it. I'm curious, would they even be able to actually hear if someone called them, with all that music blasting and all? Or is it just that they're flossing? And if they're flossing, do they realize that they're flossing with a 'bling' that costs $100. Dog, a hundred dollars! Is that what you call flossing?

Hm vraiment... c'est pas facile hein!

So yeah, I get in the club and I realize that the club has been hit by the "theory of club's in this city". Which was passed on to me by my friend. But I shall refrain from sharing it with ya'll. All I can say is that when it first opened the club was more "crunk" and now it's more "commercial". I just realize that the person who told me he would be there is not even there. Rats! Now I'm gonna be in the club by myself. I hate being in clubs by myself! That's when it hits me: WHAT THE &%$$ AM I EVEN DOING HERE!!!!

Ok let's make the best of it. Time to my club victory lap. No need to explain what a club victory lap is, I'm sure you get it. I mean how will you know who's in the club if you don't do the lap?

See two nice girls that I know, proceed to go say hi and all that good stuff. We try to conversate but I realize the music is too loud. "You girls have fun and make sure you dance"

wow, I say stupid things sometimes. Really, if they're at a club, of course they're gonna dance!

See another nice girl I know, but can't really stay close to her too long, she has a tendency to smoke weed. What's up with pretty girls smoking weed?

Finally see my "boy", he's surrounded by girls. That's the way to do it dog, I see you! Will wait till he's less 'busy' to go say wassup.

I'm standing next to a guy who's wearing his sunglasses... in the club. There's a few instances where I'm fine with people wearing sunglasses at night, but this is definitly not one of those instances. No comment.

Notice a couple of faces that look familiar... hmm where do I know this person from? Oh, that's right, she/he's always in the club no matter what. That's why the face is familiar. Sigh

Also notice that this club is dominated tonight by people that go to a certain school. Man you guys should get a special ____ University discount.

Go say hi to my boy. Proceed to stand around with my hands in my pocket...on the dance floor. Hm Just had a brilliant idea, I'm gonna come up with the "hands in pockets dance" and next thing you know it'll be all over BET.

...But until then "It's going down" Young JOC, time to do the motorcycle dance, made famous by Vince Carter and more recently Tom Cruise on 106 and park (if you missed it, it's a classic).

...Hm I don't know what's more troubling, the white girl next to me getting crunk and throwing bows, or the African girl next to me, that can barely speak english, getting crunk and throwing bows...

...Hey, I'll give them props, at least they both have a nice ass.

...Finally see a kid that's from where I'm from, this kid is hilarious.

"Djo on dit dindinmane n'as pas luck, faut presser les petites!"

...Run into a couple more people, at least now I can chit chat and not stand with my back to the wall like a statue.

...No more highlights pretty uneventful night. I'm proud to announce however that for the first time in a long time, I actually didn't dance with a girl!

On second thought, not so sure if I should be proud of that accomplishment


Oh yeah this is classic
Me to my friend on our way to coat check:
"Hm vraiment ya de jolies gos dans la boite, mais ya vraiment d'autres qui sont moches hein!"
My firend:
"Regarde celle là elle ressemble a un monstre"
God thing the girl's man, who is standing next to me, doesn't speak french...


Another night in the streets.... scratch that! Another night in the Burbs...


Hm, I had actually decided to post about how I was "exorcised" in Church this weekend. Instead I blogged about the club... I need to get my priorities straight.